john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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