Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
