eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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