Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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