i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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