and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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