Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
