He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
