When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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