There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize