I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
