I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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