cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
