I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
