glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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