I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
