im six kinds of drunk right now
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize