I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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