You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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