Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
