guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize