i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
