I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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