Just cropdusted the office
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
