I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
