That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
