they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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