Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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