More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
