Its about making memories worth repressing
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
