I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
