Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
