We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
