If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
