Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
