***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
