We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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