I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
