I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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