That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
If I die, sorry about rent.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
