I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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