Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize