We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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