it wasn't lemon gatorade
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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