We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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