He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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