life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
