the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Where did you get a picture of my penis
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Alive.
So much puke
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
