she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize