i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
No subtext here. People are naked.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
