probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
