Umm I'm too high to move.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
