Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize