My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
ttyl tear gas
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
