I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize