Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
