have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
