Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Everyone says I win the strip club
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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