We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
