My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
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