hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
