Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
