talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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