i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize