I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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