he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
