It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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