Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
