i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
