How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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